Richmond RAAF Air base

30th May 2007. wednesday
only yesterday, that we were informed that we are goin to Richmond RAAF tday. oh my.... i was caught totally off guarded. it's so far away.....
if holsworthy is the south western part of sydney, richmond is the north western of sydney. (i stay in the east). only richmond is twice the distance away fr the east........ richmond is somewhere near blue mt d.....oh my :(

1. woke up at 445am
2. left home around 620. it's still so dark outside.... wldnt dare to go out any earlier
3. reach train station at around 650.
realise that there is still some time till the next train. so went out the gate again to clear my bladder in preparation for the unknown journey.
4. get the western line train at 715. ($6.80 single trip)
5. reach east richmond stn at 845 (dozing on and off btw stns)
6. ask stn person about direction....he ask me to go back 1 or 2 station
which is clarendon & windsor ( air base is juz directly opposite them)
but i didn't as i trust my direction sense. place mayb near but the entrance is not there
takkan you want me crawl over the fence and walk onto the track with air planes around??!!!!
7. cldn't find the bus as stated in online directions. number 680 on windsor street.
8. ask a lady. lady said have to go to richmond stn instead for bus and taxis
9. walk to richmond stn - 10 min
10. ask the ladies at bus stop - waited 5 min for bus
11. felt insecure
12. went to train stn to ask the person. he said taxis is the only way to get there
13. wait for taxis. no taxi come. ask the lady b4 me how much will it be to get the cab. she said 15 bucks which scare a hell outta me...
14. at the mean time...i saw 680 coming.... hop on the bus....
17. the bus pass by windsor st but didn't stop. (therefore i make a right choice of walking to richmond stn). i'm in the right direction is juz that it's a bit twisted here & there.
18. bus uncle tot i'm goin to airbase... overshot the hospital for around 100m before i ask him to stop. actually it's my fault- i didn't know air base is not equal to airbase hospital.
19. reach destination at 940am (40 min late)

now, i'm thankful that i'm based at holsworthy....not richmond :P

AREP - alcohol reduction education program is the exact place i went.

first program of the day: discussion among the group members of army undergoin rehab. (1 gp will undergo a 4 wks program)
we were behind this one way glass to look at them. and we have earphone too to hear wat they said.... most of the time i can't catch them as their speech is often colloquial.
after that. lunch time.
after that they have 2 tutorials on" anger management" and "boundaries"
after that we observed a one to one counselling session.

this 4 wk they will undergo programs like this and they are stayin as inpatient in hospital.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
The term "passive-aggressive" was first used by the U.S. military during World War II, when military psychiatrists noted the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defensive posture and, more often than not, only partly conscious. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

There are certain behaviors that help identify passive-aggressive behavior. ^[3]

• Ambiguity
• Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
• Blaming others
• Chronic lateness and forgetfulness
• Complaining
• Does not express hostility or anger openly
• Fear of authority
• Fear of competition
• Fear of dependency
• Fear of intimacy
• Fosters chaos
• Intentional inefficiency
• Making excuses and lying
• Obstructionism
• Procrastination
• Resentment
• Resists suggestions from others
• Sarcasm
• Sullenness

abstract taken fr wikipedia

if i were to match those signs with myself (those in orange).
CONCLUSION: I am a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSON!!! & I Cope by COMPLIANCE. i do have those behaviors some point in my life.... so does that mean that i have behavioral problem?

SO........... have you planned?

I'am sure you guys as medical students....at some point in your life....you will encounter this question? (or even many times)

"So wat do u plan to do after you graduate? ( in the sense of do u plan to be a GP or specialise? if specialise, in wat area is it)"
i am not sure how many of you can really answer firmly on this question.

as clearly we have already passed the times when we were asked wat do we wanna be when we grow up? maybe i shall go all the way back to the beginning.

we were asked to fill in this yearly progress report by our primary school. we are given 3 choices
which mayb influenced by our parents, the tv shows/cartoons or some circumstances.etc somewhere along the way
we may put soldier, pilot, teacher, clerk, lawyer, doctor, accountant, engineer, businessman.etc
how many will actually put cleaner, plumber, maid.etc
how many will end up becoming wat they actually wrote in their primary school report card....

as for doctors to be when we were young:

some said naively, innocently, full of hope: i wanna be a DOCTOR!
some said firmly, mature beyond their age: i want to be a Doctor!
some may say: i wanna be a stewardess/pilot.....
some may not give a definitive answer

as we grew up..... studying hard for every gateway to higher education
some with an aim to do be a doctor
some with an aim to be a engineer
some specify wat kind of area they wanna be in , be it science or arts or business
some w/o an aim
some goes with the flow

how many of you has actually stick to wat you have originally plan or follow since you were young

and now when we are asked what do we wanna specialise in
some said determinedly (or mayb with a tinge of arrogance that exudes from their confidence):
i wanna be a neurosurgeon/cardiothoracic surgeon.etc
some said firmly: i wanna be a surgeon but i have yet to find out which specialty i wanna be a surgeon. ( good enuf to impress some when the word surgeon is mentioned- listerner's eye brows raised, sparkle in eyes)
some said humblely: i wanna be a GP
some said practically: i wanna be a endocrinologist, dermatologist, radiologist.etc
some said sheepishly: i don't know.

when question on why do u wanna be a doctor:
some said clichely: for the sake of human kind. i wanna help those in need.... or i have a grandma who were sick.. and now i wish to be a doc....
some said: i juz luv kids so much....i wanna be a pediatrician(but do u know kids in peds r not the lively bunch you always see.... seeing kids dying mayb more depressing than a adult)
some said: i don't know. i guess it's juz another job
some may not say but think: i think it's a prestigious job which can earn stable and relatively high income compared to 98% of the other population. it's a customer service line with your customer respecting u but not complaining about you (if you think so)
actually nothing is to be ashame of.... no matter how you think of yourself and wat you think of people telling you..... who in the world you will find a business man 100% saying that i wanna make the business world better....serve my customer better without earning something in return to fulfill my desire... same thing applies to doctor. there must be things other than ur pure politically correct aspiration. everything is juz a way of life. it all depends on how individual look at it/stereotype it/picture it.
some may continue to be a good doc, slack doc, bad doc, mundane doc, harworking doc, unmarried harworking doc, famous/popular doc, rich doc, poor doc, unhappy doc, happy doc, great surgeon, great surgeon who has killed lives, bad surgeon who has saved lives, bad surgeon who has cured lives, doc who have made wrong diagnosis and kill lives, doc who has cured lives.etc

some may decided to switch to business, teaching, housewife, wateva you can think of....all due to circumstances..........

AS FOR ME
when i was in primary sch:
i used to put clerk first time on my report card, after which i change to lawyer or something on the following year...i kept changing....never really think of the real meaning of it.

i was never certain that i wanna be a doctor before i actually enter IMU
med school is not wat everyone can get, i was not confident that i'll get in as well (unlike the hi flyers)
but i do narrow down my area by continuing in science stream..... (i'm the sort of go with the flow person)

when people saying medicine is hard...oh gosh i would think maths/accounts/business is as hard as a rock for me.
it all depends on wat your interest/strong point is in. BEAR IN MIND that no job is easY. STOP THINKING THAT BEING A DOCTOR IS HARD....YOU HAVE ALREADY SUCCUMBED MENTALLY.....physically obviously you wldn't last long..... stop thinking that those studying medicine is more hardworking than you as well.....

now whenever people ask wat i wanna specialise in
i will not give a definite answer blindly for now.
i used to naively want to be a plastic surgeon (which i don't like mentioning it now for reason i wldn't wanna remember)
i'm not saying i will not be one day but it's juz that those thoughts seem naive to me.
i reallise that sometimes things are subject to change due to circumstances

i do admire those people who have long time firm aspiration & direction of wat they wanna become or specialise in. (be it they really want it or having a ride of it or enjoy the moment of it)

but i reallise at the same time, i have put myself down by having that sense of inferiority & dilemma & insecurity which i reallise i'm doin myself no justice at all.

till one fateful day....i have my luck of my this phase of life by talking to this one random person- dr C. i have the courage to raise this question up to him bcuz he's juz this random person whom i'm not really affiliated to. he gave me simple but useful enlightenment. i felt like a feather now like i used to be....

take for eg.

orthopedic surgery 10 yrs ago is not the same as now. so wat you were actually interested in....you may not be interested now if you used to like orthopedics (same for the other way round) immunology was a boring subject till HIV swept the world one day....and no one expected it.

there's no harm exploring a little something different eg during your electives which may not b what you will be doing in the future. as most often you wldn't get to experience it again if you know that's not the thing you want.
i need to write this down before i forget.... i'm a forgetful person.... but i'll find ways to remember them if i want. (i'm demented :P) that's why this blog is here. that's good in a way....juz like the movie "with momento" ....i choose wat to remember.....and not to remember (often the bad & traumatic experiences). i may know something bad happened years ago....but i juz seem not to remember wat actually happened....

A puzzle thriller about a man with amnesia that turns out to be an intriguing probe of identity, loss, mental instability, mystery, and trust- Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Spirituality and Practice
Incredibly hard to describe and absolutely astonishing to watch.- Rob Blackwelder SPLICEDWire
The most disorienting and trippiest data-retrieval caper in years.- Jay Carr Boston Globe
Memento is a thriller for people who are sick of thrillers, a puzzle movie in which the puzzle is actually worth the time and effort to solve.-Mark Caro Chicago Tribune

Ces't la Vie
many things are shaped by circumstances
rainbow may not be at where they used to be due to some circumstances

that mayb the time when you can have your rainbow.....

that could happen one day when you hop on the wrong bus heading the wrong way.....

i am happy of where i am now. Doc is the job for me...as you know i don't like maths and alike. i don't like lab work(sad to say so....i guess some pt in my life i'll still have to do some lab work) ....
i don't exactly like dealing with pple but i do enjoy parts of it. i don't like anaesthetic job as i m a sleepy person (DANGEROUS!) i am sure i m gonna enjoy the satisfaction i got out of wherever i'm heading to.

i have learnt my lesson.......i hope you too. ciaoz :D

Happy Birthday, JacMatsuo!!! 16th May 2007

Happy 23rd Birthday !!! (abit belated online) you have been a great friend & person. All the best in you future. look there u r smiling so happily.....KEEP IT UP gurl !!!:D

First Day at the Barracks

15th May

This is the 1^st day of my posting in the Barracks which I have been lamenting about.

Journey as followed:

Walk down the barker hill – 5 min

Wait for bus – 5 min

To Central Stn- 15 min

Wait for train – 5 min

Train journey – 45 min ($8.80 for return ticket)

Walk into the hospital – 30 min or more (damn long….. at once I tot I cldn’t make it)

In total around 2 hours

Therefore I’m trying to skip the last walking part, so hopefully I can hitch a ride fr my batchmate who drives there from his nearby home. I juz need help for the agonizing walking part.

It is a totally new experience. Basically it is a well equip hospital (supply more than demand), maybe 3-4 times bigger than a normal Klinik Kesihatan. It has a physio gym, normal gym, clinics, hydrotherapy pool, approx 20 bed ward, basic patho lab, cafeteria, OT, imaging, and places that I have yet to venture.

Depression is a main problem, mostly from the stress to perform (or mayb social reasons). Can you imagine, their dream is to get deploy to overseas to serve their country. (eg, mid east or Afghanistan) so if u r not fit/sick, u can’t get deploy but u can’t get anywhere either….sad right. I would say that the staff are generally very friendly. So this is the hospital that you see pple in army uniform walking around. Not a busy hospital though. I would expect myself to have more hands on experience over here. Such as today, a army staff volunteer to get his blood drawn by us. Prick by each of us at both hands. But still we fail badly……… (I felt so guilty after that, I rather have myself pricked, but the paramedics said that we can’t do that due to some regulation) luckily the para is a very nice & encouraging guy. HOPEFULLY TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY ; P possibly, we have the chance to go to to the office in other place to see wat the army does in the normal day. Dr ML ( our course supervisor) said that we may get a chance to go to queensland to experience the Army“Drill” of managing emergencies/crisis like Tsunami exercise. Lotsa army fr diff places will gather there ( eg. US)

Last day at Vinnies

10 May

Pictures taken on my last day in st. vinnies. (will be back in half a year time). Nostalgic *sobs*

With our bedside tutor – katrin

Didn’t manage to take a pic with Dr P.S (our bedside tutor as well). Juz wanna say that he looks cute when he smiles as he shows the widen gap right infront of the gum.

Our tutorial group and doc nick b (geriatrician) doesn’t he look like a older version of Dr house….except that Dr Nick is kind and not as eccentric.

UNSW Landcare Neutralise Trip 4-6 May

Prior to the deadline of my assignment, i went to this camp which i have mentioned before. had fun and really chilled out (mentally and physically) it was so damn freezing cold at night that some can't sleep. post chill out effect: both of the back of my palm are suffering from cold eczema (not really that serious) but i have peeling of skin and slight bloody fissuring at the dermato fissure of my skin. planting trees were really a small part of the camp though that was our objective. we only spent the saturday late morning and early afternoon planting trees. the rest of the time we either chilled out mentally or physically. yep. at the trees planting site, it is a vast terrain with shoots of different plants already line up on the group for us to dig a hole for it. as we have xs manforce, job was done fairly quickly. forgot to tell, our bus broke down on our way day and got stalled at blackheath for 3-4 hrs. the local pizza stall almost can't cope with the sudden influx of customers. as a result of the bus breaking down, we reached the camp place at 1am though we departed at 5pm. thank goodness that the tent was already set up by the organisers who reached there earlier in car. oso, on our trip back to city.....there was this big jam on the 2 lane highway.... (thus i concluded that we spend lotsa time traveling)
it's surprising that the organisers (only 4 of them , but 1 man down as he's not doin much stuff) as first years biological enviromental science students did a good job in organising the camp, cooking, finding and hacking the woods, setting up tents, and protecting the environment ( collected all the glass bottles(beer), tin cans(beer again), cardboard back to campus).etc
met lotsa friends there, mainly international students: germany, US, Israel, China, Indonesia, Malaysia, Japan, Korea, Pakistan, Australia.etc there are 2 polarity of the participants, either the young year one or the postgraduate (smart ass who can b quite childish at times like this in camp) who are still new to Australia. Of course there are other random variants as well like me.

Watson Bay

3rd May
Half a day with the physiotherapist
she brought me to the Bay area with lotsa rich people & rich houses. sad to say so, the houses we went to may worth Millions (reeally!) but they are occupied by lonely old folks....


aren't those clouds lovely? (even in my 2MP phone cam) did i tell u that you can see the harbour bridge from here too.
i bet i'm at the place where i always wonder where is it when i'm on the bridge.

this house with the oldish italian interior design + a white piano (affluent family) with its own beach at the back.... but no one to appreciate it. old lady with end stage dementia (juz like a baby- no ADL at all) plus a chinese housekeep aka carer (who has been there for YEARS)

Beautiful isn't it? :D imagine urself having a dip in the salt water anytime u want juz by opening that gate.

I can't believe i took this test

but before i knew it....it was too late....STUDS!!! *ignorance is not a bliss*

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Level 1 - Limbo

Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

so funny.....just because i'm not a believer... though we have the same virtues but we don't entitled the same things....is it conveying a message :
believer: i have sins and i repented and i can go to the kindom of heaven.
non-believer: i m always virteous and never have sins but i'm at some LIMBO place.

once again....STUDS TEST! (& i'm studs enuf to take it)

Jpop Songtress

I don't understand why can't chinese singing scene has more songtresses like these.
Chinese singing scene: ya, u have the looks now we shall train you for singing or juz package you for an album
Jpop singing scene: ya, u have the voice, now we shall train you for singing and package you for an album
mayb i'm generalising.....

Muz LISTEN!!!! theme song of LIMIT OF LOVE Umizaru.






Mika Nakashima 一色

A Tribute to Ayu

This was her when she juz started at the tender age of 16


This is her NOW...... (what a metamorphosis)