SO........... have you planned?

I'am sure you guys as medical students....at some point in your life....you will encounter this question? (or even many times)

"So wat do u plan to do after you graduate? ( in the sense of do u plan to be a GP or specialise? if specialise, in wat area is it)"
i am not sure how many of you can really answer firmly on this question.

as clearly we have already passed the times when we were asked wat do we wanna be when we grow up? maybe i shall go all the way back to the beginning.

we were asked to fill in this yearly progress report by our primary school. we are given 3 choices
which mayb influenced by our parents, the tv shows/cartoons or some circumstances.etc somewhere along the way
we may put soldier, pilot, teacher, clerk, lawyer, doctor, accountant, engineer, businessman.etc
how many will actually put cleaner, plumber, maid.etc
how many will end up becoming wat they actually wrote in their primary school report card....

as for doctors to be when we were young:

some said naively, innocently, full of hope: i wanna be a DOCTOR!
some said firmly, mature beyond their age: i want to be a Doctor!
some may say: i wanna be a stewardess/pilot.....
some may not give a definitive answer

as we grew up..... studying hard for every gateway to higher education
some with an aim to do be a doctor
some with an aim to be a engineer
some specify wat kind of area they wanna be in , be it science or arts or business
some w/o an aim
some goes with the flow

how many of you has actually stick to wat you have originally plan or follow since you were young

and now when we are asked what do we wanna specialise in
some said determinedly (or mayb with a tinge of arrogance that exudes from their confidence):
i wanna be a neurosurgeon/cardiothoracic surgeon.etc
some said firmly: i wanna be a surgeon but i have yet to find out which specialty i wanna be a surgeon. ( good enuf to impress some when the word surgeon is mentioned- listerner's eye brows raised, sparkle in eyes)
some said humblely: i wanna be a GP
some said practically: i wanna be a endocrinologist, dermatologist, radiologist.etc
some said sheepishly: i don't know.

when question on why do u wanna be a doctor:
some said clichely: for the sake of human kind. i wanna help those in need.... or i have a grandma who were sick.. and now i wish to be a doc....
some said: i juz luv kids so much....i wanna be a pediatrician(but do u know kids in peds r not the lively bunch you always see.... seeing kids dying mayb more depressing than a adult)
some said: i don't know. i guess it's juz another job
some may not say but think: i think it's a prestigious job which can earn stable and relatively high income compared to 98% of the other population. it's a customer service line with your customer respecting u but not complaining about you (if you think so)
actually nothing is to be ashame of.... no matter how you think of yourself and wat you think of people telling you..... who in the world you will find a business man 100% saying that i wanna make the business world better....serve my customer better without earning something in return to fulfill my desire... same thing applies to doctor. there must be things other than ur pure politically correct aspiration. everything is juz a way of life. it all depends on how individual look at it/stereotype it/picture it.
some may continue to be a good doc, slack doc, bad doc, mundane doc, harworking doc, unmarried harworking doc, famous/popular doc, rich doc, poor doc, unhappy doc, happy doc, great surgeon, great surgeon who has killed lives, bad surgeon who has saved lives, bad surgeon who has cured lives, doc who have made wrong diagnosis and kill lives, doc who has cured lives.etc

some may decided to switch to business, teaching, housewife, wateva you can think of....all due to circumstances..........

AS FOR ME
when i was in primary sch:
i used to put clerk first time on my report card, after which i change to lawyer or something on the following year...i kept changing....never really think of the real meaning of it.

i was never certain that i wanna be a doctor before i actually enter IMU
med school is not wat everyone can get, i was not confident that i'll get in as well (unlike the hi flyers)
but i do narrow down my area by continuing in science stream..... (i'm the sort of go with the flow person)

when people saying medicine is hard...oh gosh i would think maths/accounts/business is as hard as a rock for me.
it all depends on wat your interest/strong point is in. BEAR IN MIND that no job is easY. STOP THINKING THAT BEING A DOCTOR IS HARD....YOU HAVE ALREADY SUCCUMBED MENTALLY.....physically obviously you wldn't last long..... stop thinking that those studying medicine is more hardworking than you as well.....

now whenever people ask wat i wanna specialise in
i will not give a definite answer blindly for now.
i used to naively want to be a plastic surgeon (which i don't like mentioning it now for reason i wldn't wanna remember)
i'm not saying i will not be one day but it's juz that those thoughts seem naive to me.
i reallise that sometimes things are subject to change due to circumstances

i do admire those people who have long time firm aspiration & direction of wat they wanna become or specialise in. (be it they really want it or having a ride of it or enjoy the moment of it)

but i reallise at the same time, i have put myself down by having that sense of inferiority & dilemma & insecurity which i reallise i'm doin myself no justice at all.

till one fateful day....i have my luck of my this phase of life by talking to this one random person- dr C. i have the courage to raise this question up to him bcuz he's juz this random person whom i'm not really affiliated to. he gave me simple but useful enlightenment. i felt like a feather now like i used to be....

take for eg.

orthopedic surgery 10 yrs ago is not the same as now. so wat you were actually interested in....you may not be interested now if you used to like orthopedics (same for the other way round) immunology was a boring subject till HIV swept the world one day....and no one expected it.

there's no harm exploring a little something different eg during your electives which may not b what you will be doing in the future. as most often you wldn't get to experience it again if you know that's not the thing you want.
i need to write this down before i forget.... i'm a forgetful person.... but i'll find ways to remember them if i want. (i'm demented :P) that's why this blog is here. that's good in a way....juz like the movie "with momento" ....i choose wat to remember.....and not to remember (often the bad & traumatic experiences). i may know something bad happened years ago....but i juz seem not to remember wat actually happened....

A puzzle thriller about a man with amnesia that turns out to be an intriguing probe of identity, loss, mental instability, mystery, and trust- Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Spirituality and Practice
Incredibly hard to describe and absolutely astonishing to watch.- Rob Blackwelder SPLICEDWire
The most disorienting and trippiest data-retrieval caper in years.- Jay Carr Boston Globe
Memento is a thriller for people who are sick of thrillers, a puzzle movie in which the puzzle is actually worth the time and effort to solve.-Mark Caro Chicago Tribune

Ces't la Vie
many things are shaped by circumstances
rainbow may not be at where they used to be due to some circumstances

that mayb the time when you can have your rainbow.....

that could happen one day when you hop on the wrong bus heading the wrong way.....

i am happy of where i am now. Doc is the job for me...as you know i don't like maths and alike. i don't like lab work(sad to say so....i guess some pt in my life i'll still have to do some lab work) ....
i don't exactly like dealing with pple but i do enjoy parts of it. i don't like anaesthetic job as i m a sleepy person (DANGEROUS!) i am sure i m gonna enjoy the satisfaction i got out of wherever i'm heading to.

i have learnt my lesson.......i hope you too. ciaoz :D